I Survived A Milestone

As Chairman for a nonprofit, I was given the opportunity to speak at the upcoming Countdown to Kindergarten event.  As the even neared, it hit me that I should have attended this event with my 3rd child; however, I would be attending solo.  When I arrived, I received several questionable looks as to why I was there.  Inside, I wanted to tell them that I really should be there and that my daughter should know their child by name.  Ironically, the kickoff to kindergarten was the same week that Ella was born “sleeping” and this year, she would have celebrated her 5th birthday.

Sometimes milestones can kick you in the gut.  Facebook memories can do the same by reminding me of how I looked at 35 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child.  This year, I could have a HUGE pity party but surprisingly, I’m ok.  I know, I surprised myself, too!  I had been anticipating this day of what it would feel like to not be preparing for kindergarten.  I am ok.  I may not be ok every day but today I’m ok and I survived a significant milestone.  Today that will be good enough. 

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

What you see in someone’s external appearance does not always truly reflect their inner self.  Having a stillborn baby five years ago still hurts.  Tomorrow, we will still do our annual balloon release at the cemetery.  I will still have to remind my other children why I am upset and why we are releasing balloons.  I still feel like I failed my daughter, but I’m going to keep my head up and continue on because I know wallowing in my guilt will not bring her back. 

If you know someone who has lost a child or anyone for that matter, be kind around the milestones.  You may think we’re fragile and sometimes we are.  Other times we may lose it but with your love & support, we can continue on.  Grief is a like riding a roller coaster in the dark lots of unexpected twists & turns.  Some of the turns get you & others do not.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  2 Corinthians 12:9-10  Today I celebrate surviving another milestone and I await the day that I am able to hold EC in my arms again.